I'LL BREAK MY HEART ONCE MORE
by R.Zehra
Summary: sometimes you try so hard not to think about somethings, some people, you do your best to lock away all the memories, still every now and then those memories become so unavoidable...Hope you like it, My First Fanfic...Do share your thoughts on this Guys :)


**I'LL BREAK MY HEART ONCE MORE**

It was a cool summer night, a light wind was blowing that kicked the heat down a notch, she was sitting in front of her desk, which was just by the window, however she was a bit too absorbed in her talk with Mariah to notice the weather.

"I can't understand why you keep avoiding my parties, you loved them about a month ago!" exclaimed the pink haired girl, obviously frustrated at her Burnett friend.

"I got homework Mariah." This was the same excuse Hilary used last Saturday. And she knew that Mariah knew something was up, but Hilary was just couldn't tell her friend about it. She felt pathetic even thinking about it.

"I can't believe you" Mariah said before she went offline. Mariah was pissed at Hilary, not because she refused to attend her party but because she felt that Hilary didn't trust her enough to share her problem. And it wasn't that pink haired neko-jin wasn't trying she spend the past two weeks trying to figure out what was going on with Hilary.

Hilary opened up her Facebook account in order to distract herself from all the memories that were threatening to invade her mind once more, but 'not today!' she thought to herself. 'I promised myself not to think about it! And I'm not going to!'

She turned up some music so her mind won't wonder, she turned up a song put her playlist on shuffle and sang along.

As she scrolled through her Facebook wall and sang along to Party Song (Walk of shame) by All Time Low. When that song ended another began, then another, then another, then another and for a few minute Hilary forgot all about her hurt feeling, her broken heart and memories, at the brink of flooding.

She felt a numb calm, and for a while she thought maybe everything will be okay, maybe everything happened for a reason, for some reason, maybe she would understand it someday, not today but someday. She almost smiled at the thought. It was a tired smile.

Her numb calm lasted until she saw the time, it was 11:30 already… 'I should really get some sleep' she thought. She was about to log out when a thought passed her head, a tiny thought that brought her back to step one. A tiny thought that that she knew, if she pondered on, would tear her down. Just a tiny thought.

Hilary sat there in front of the screen all the strength it took to lock up her memories, to stop herself from thinking about him, kept fading in, it kept fading out.

Hilary typed his name in the search bar "Kai Hiwatari" the tap of every single key telling her how stupid she was being. She clicked his name when it appeared. And a second later his account was displayed on the screen. Telling here she has gone too far to turn back now. Even if she wanted she couldn't bring herself to.

His picture was right there, right in front of her, and she was unable to turn away from his mesmerizing beauty. She took in the sight of those mahogany orbs, they almost appeared red in the sun, a beautiful. Hypnotic red, now looking at him brought a smile to her face. The feelings she tried so hard to kill came back to life. All the memories flooded. And for once she didn't try to avoid them, she allowed them to flow. Knowing well that she was fanning the fire, the fire that would eat her up.

She remembered the first time she met the bluenett before her, he came off a bit rude, but even back then Hilary felt something for the boy, something she knew she would never feel for anyone else, ever. It was love at first sight, her feelings only grew over the years, as she got closer to the bluenett, realizing he wasn't that bad after all. She was one of the few people who made it past his walls, one of the few people he allowed in. she thought he liked her, and she knew he did. Just not in the same way.

"Just not in the same way." she whispered to herself.

As she scrolled down she noticed a post 'see you tonight at Mariah's party', it was from Alison.

Alison. The name brought back the memory Hilary was afraid of. A memory from a few weeks ago. A memory of the night it all started.

" _Hey guys, meet Alison." Tyson said. There was just max and Hilary in the room when Tyson walked in "she's the new exchange student I was telling you about." Indeed Tyson was going on and on about her since the start of week,_

' _Well at least now he would shut up' Hilary thought to herself "Hi Alison." Hilary extended a hand, with a smile. Alison smiled back and took her hand._

" _Hi, you know, you're are really pretty to be hanging around Tyson." It was Max, Hilary couldn't help but laugh at the blonde's remark. Alison looked a bit confused. But max was right, she was pretty. Alison had the biggest blue eyes ever. She had milky white skin, and deep blue curls that reached her shoulders. She was just as tall as Hilary and was wearing a yellow top with faded blue jeans._

 _Everyone turned to look at the door at the sound of footsteps, it was kai. He was wearing black pants with a black button up shirt. "Hey Kai, I'm glad your hear, I would like you to meet-"_

" _Al?" kai uttered, cutting Tyson off, when his eyes landed on the girl standing beside Tyson. "What are you doing here?" by now there was a smile on kais face, "Hey" he said as he walked up to the girl._

" _Oh! Hey kai, I didn't expected to see you here….." Alison said, she was smiling as well. "I just transferred here a week ago…I'm in Tysons class"_

" _Ahan…" kai said "I see" he added after a few seconds._

" _Hey…how do you guys know each other?" Tyson was just as shocked as everyone else. By know everyone knew that Kai and Alison already knew each other._

" _Oh... We know each other from Russia. Kai and I studied at the same school." Alison told Tyson. She obviously looked really happy to see kai again. And Kai seemed pretty happy to see her. Hilary couldn't help feel a bit jealous of the new girl…._

Even now thinking about that night woke the green eyed monster somewhere in the pit of Hilary's stomach. It burned. Then there was the night a week later at Mariah's. The night that shattered her completely.

 _Hilary was a bit late, thanks to Tyson, and his eating habits, Hilary swore the boys belly was a black hole. Actually scratch "bit" Hilary was almost an hour late!_

 _She just had to walk through the door of Mariah's home and Mariah was all over her, "where have you been?" The pink haired girl said "I was waiting for you! I can't handle this! There are more people than I can handle! I didn't even invited them" Mariah was seriously freaking out._

" _Okay relax Mariah" Hilary said taking hold of the girl by her upper arms "Relax" after Mariah calmed down a bit. Hilary helped her with the party. The problem with Mariah was that she threw huge parties, and the always got out of her control._

 _After an hour worth of partying people began to leave "OH thanks GOD!" Mariah exclaimed beside Hilary she was seriously relieved "I am officially never throwing a party again!" but both of them knew it wasn't true._

 _Another half an hour later the place was completely empty, except for Hilary, Mariah and the bladebreakers. Hilary was taking the dirty dishes to the kitchen when she heard someone's laugh coming from Mariah's back yard. It was a girl's laugh._

 _Hilary placed the dishes near the sink and walked up to Mariah's back door. She opened the door to look outside and the sight she saw shattered her completely._

 _Kai was sitting right there leaning against the wall and Alison was sitting there in his lap. He had his arms around the girl's waist. Alison laughed again as he whispered something quietly in her ear. Hilary stood there frozen. Her eyes were stuck on the teens in front of her who in turn were so absorbed in each other that they were completely oblivious of Hilary's presence. I took Hilary a few moment to overcome the shock. And as she did, she ran, she ran straight through the front door, she ran as fast as her legs could go, on reaching back home Hilary was out of breath. She remember how hurt she was, she remembered how she cried the whole night. Since then Hilary avoided the parties, she avoided Alison, she avoided kai._

Even still the memory hurt her just as much as the night. By now tears were streaming down Hilary's face. She was choking on her feelings, she was choking on the memories she let loose. She was so jealous of Alison that it ate her up inside, and she hated herself for it because she knew that Alison was right for kai, both of them loved each other, and Alison she wasn't bad, in fact she was the nicest person anyone could ever meet, she deserved Kai. It killed Hilary knowing that the guy she loved is madly in love with another girl.

With tears in her eyes Hilary turned her PC off. She sat there a minute trying to calm herself down. When it didn't work Hilary got up turned off the lights and went to bed. She cried for a good two hours before she was too exhausted to stay awake. She cursed herself for hurting herself like this again. "Just when I thought I was fine….. I broke my heart once more" she whispered to herself, before the darkness took over.


End file.
